Wednesday, December 12, 2012


I have fallen back into my old routine - which I didn't intend on doing. I don't have to go to school until 2 pm, and I live 3-5 minutes away depending on the traffic light. So I don't leave my house until 1:50, which means I don't have to get up until late in the afternoon. Which then means I don't have to go to bed until 3-5 am. This is a problem.

I often set my alarm earlier than I need do. I'm not talking crazy times like 8am, because let's face it, that's not realistic :) But 11 am isn't too bad, all things considering. The vast majority of the time, I grab my phone and sleep for another hour plus instead of getting up and out of the house. This is a problem.

I have always been a people pleaser. In grade school I did the best in classes where I liked the teacher. I get up to meet people for lunch, or coffee, or whatever. I used to get up for jobs. I have to have a reason. And the reason can't be because I should. I need a person, or people or some other good motivating factor. This is a problem.

For the last month, I've had a bible study every Tuesday morning. I got up, got dressed and made it to the church every week. In part I enjoyed the study and actually was motivated to learn. However, the fact that other people were there and relying on me to show up (even though I knew it would still happen without me) helped push me to not hit the snooze. The study ended yesterday and the next one won't start until mid to late February. This is a problem.

I thought about taking some sort of class - like a TOEFL or other test, or getting a masters in education or working on a teaching certificate. The main problem with all of these is that they cost money. And not a little bit of money, but semi-significant money. And the honest fact is, even if the money wasn't much, it's still money that I don't have. Not to mention my apartment isn't conducive to me studying which means I would have to go to a coffee shop or the library to work/study (which isn't a super huge problem unless you factor in the coffee money). This is a problem.

I need something and I don't know what it is. I'm planning on joining a gym soon, so hopefully that will help, but honestly, I need some reason to go there too. Once I get into a routine I should be ok, but starting that routine is where I need the push. A lot of it is mental. Coming back isn't what I was expecting. I still see some people, but it's not quite the same. So I'm a little bit sad and missing that connection that I used to have. I'm sure I'll adjust and get to a good place soon, but right now I need some motivation.

Any suggestions?

No comments:

Post a Comment